Lambic's spammy Quotes

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Latest quotes added on Wednesday December 31 1969 (search for 'NEW!')

These are some well known quotes from various sources, but spammified. Some terms might be unfamiliar to some, so here is a quick key:

Feel free to email me with possible additions.


Films TV Song Literature Historic Figures Miscellaneous

Films

The Princess Bride

This one is what started me doing this, seen as a .sig from a poster on news.admin.net-abuse.email
"My name is Inigo Montoya. You spammed my father. Prepare to die."
Added 1st December 2000
"We are men of action, spam does not become us."
Added 1st December 2000
Buttercup: "Westley, what about the R.O.U.S.?"
Westley: "Rodentia Of Unusual Size? I don't think she exists."

The Day the Earth Stood Still

Added 1st March 2001
"Your choice is simple. Join us and live in peace or pursue your present spamming and face obliteration. We shall be waiting for your answer. The decision rests with you."

Fight Club

Added 1st March 2001
"This is your online life and it's ending one LART at a time"
Added 1st March 2001
"First rule of the Lumber Cartel (tinlc), you do not talk about the Lumber Cartel (tinlc). Second rule of the Lumber Cartel (tinlc), you DO NOT talk about the Lumber Cartel (tinlc)"
Added 1st March 2001
"With a LART stuck between your teeth, you only speak in vowels."

Bakshi's 'Wizards'

Added 1st December 2000 Contributed by Shadow Fox.
"I got ways to LART ya that'll take twenny years -- and have ya screamin' fer mercy in the first five minutes."

Network

Added 1st December 2000 Contributed by Andrew Green. No need for modification on this one!
"I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore."

Miller's Crossing

Added 1st December 2000
I didn't ask for spam and I don't want it."

She's All That

Added 1st December 2000
Actual unmodified quote
"Look around you. To everyone here who matters, you're vapor, you're spam. A waste of perfectly good yearbook space."

Schindler's List

Added 1st December 2000
"This RBL list... is an absolute good."

Leon

Added 1st December 2000
"Spamcop is the first weapon you learn how to use, because it lets you keep your distance from the spammer. The closer you get to being a pro, the closer you can get to the client. The LART, for example, is the last thing you learn."

American Beauty

Ricky Fitts: "Excuse me for speaking so bluntly sir. But those spammers make me want to puke my fucking guts out."
Colonel Fitts: "Well, me too son. Me too."

Clockwork Orange

Contributed by 'the son of spam'
"You've proved to me that all this spamming, sleeping with my sister, header forgering, and relay raping is wrong, wrong, and terribly wrong. I've learned my lesson, sir. I see now what I've never seen before. I'm cured, praise postmaster!...I see that it's wrong. It's wrong because it's like against society! It's wrong because everybody has the right to live without getting snake oil spammed in their email boxes!"

The Sixth Sense

"I see dead spammers."

Raiders of the Lost Ark

Spamford: "How odd that it should end this way for us after so many stimulating encounters. I almost regret it. Where shall I find a new adversary so close to my own level?" nanae: "Try the local sewer."

Taxi Driver

"Listen you fuckers, you screwheads. Here is a man who would not take it anymore. A man who stood up against the scum, the spam, the filth, the bilkers. Here is a man who LARTs."

Mr Holland's Opus

Spammer: "You know, I'm not as popular as you, I'm not anybody's favourite anything."
LARTer: "That's because you're the enemy, Spammer. You just don't know it."

The Shawshank Redemption

"Sanford Wallace - who crawled through a river of spam and came out clean on the other side."

Sliding Doors

"Spammer, you are a morality-free zone."

Jackie Brown

"Sam-Spade. When you absolutely positively got to kill every spammer on the net. Accept no substitutes"

Pulp Fiction

"Any of you fuckin' pricks spam, and I'll LART every mother fuckin' last one of ya."
Added 1st December 2000
Actually a bible quote, but I don't care!
"The path of the righteous LARTer is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil spammers. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the newbie through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost email. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to spam and rape my servers. And you will know my name is Vixie when I lay my vengeance upon thee."
NEW! Contributed by Ishidan.
"No man, I'm pretty fscking far from ok. I'll tell you what now. I'm going to call in a couple of hard LARTing PFYs to go to work on the homies here with a pair of cutters and a degauss. You hear me talking, hillbilly-boy? I'm not through with you by a damn sight. I'm gonna get medieval on your @s." - Marcellus Wallace
NEW! Contributed by Ishidan.
"d13 y00 b@st4RdS!"
*nukenukenukenukenukenuke* (Malleteers are completely untouched)
*LART LART LART*
Marvin! Did you just FORGET there was a third skript kiddie in there with a goddamn nuke program?"

Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

"One more spam and I'll LART his face so hard he'll have to stick his toothbrush up his arse to clean his teeth!"
"I've said it before and I'll say it again, no more fucking spam!"

Rocky

"Don't spam me!"

Rambo - First Blood

Added September 2000 Contributed by ??
"You don't seem to want to accept who you are dealing with. You are
dealing with a man who is an expert---with traceroute, with cgi scripts,
with javascript decoding. A man who's been trained to ignore mailbombs, to
ignore ping attacks. To live off the internet and eat things that would
make a billy goat puke. On his Hotmail account, his mission was to dispose
of chickenboners. To LART, period. Win by attrition. Well, Spambo was the
best."

Gone With The Wind

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a spam"

Forrest Gump

"Life is like an inbox of spam, you never know what you're gonna get"
"Stupid is as spammer does sir"

Trainspotting

Contributed by Pete Morgan-Lucas
"Choose Netcom, Choose UUNet dialups,
Choose Poverty, Choose knuckledragging; Choose MLM
Choose "99 million addresses on CD for $19.99",
Choose MegaNet$, Choose to be booted off 10 ISPs in 5 days,
Choose living the rest of your life in a trailer-park,
Choose to be the Internet's laughing stock,
Choose Embarrassment, Choose Odium, Choose SPAM!"

Casablanca

Rick: "Don't you sometimes wonder if it's worth all this? I mean what you're fighting for."
Victor: "You might as well question why we breathe. If we stop breathing, we'll die. If we stop fighting the spammers, the internet will die."
Rick: "Well, what of it? It'll be out of its misery."
Victor: "You know how you sound, Mr. Blaine? Like a man who's trying to convince himself of something he doesn't believe in his heart."
Added 1st December 2000
Spammer: "You despise me, don't you?"
Antispammer: "If I gave you any thought I probably would."

Silence of the Lambs

Contributed by 'J' (bunnythief49) / Dan Poore / me
"A bulker once tried to spam me. I ate his website with a some fava beans and a nice Chianti."
Added 1st December 2000
"Believe me, you don't want Andy Brunner inside your head."

The Matrix

"I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you spammers do not. You move to an ISP, and you bilk, and bilk, until every net resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another ISP. There is another entity on this net that follows the same pattern. A virus. Spammers are a disease, a cancer of the internet, you are a plague, and we are the cure."

The Terminator Films

"Hasta la vista, spammer."
Contributed by Jesper
"I need your bulk-mailer, dropbox and your throwaway account"
Contributed by Dan Poore
Spammer: "You can't just go around LARTing spammers."
Malleteer: "Why?"

2001 A Space Oddyssey

"My God, it's full of spam!"
Contributed by Diane Wilson
"I'm sorry, Spamford, I can't let you do that."

The Alien Films

"In cyberspace, no-one can hear you get LARTed"
Contributed by Paul Anderson
"Remember short, controlled LARTs."
Contributed by Paul Anderson
"In case you haven't been paying attention to current events, we just got our asses LARTed, pal!"
Contributed by JEParham65
"Nuke the site from orbit, it's the only way to be sure."
NEW! Contributed by Ishidan.
"Hey Ripley, don't worry. Me and my squad of ultimate BOFHs will protect you! Check it out - independently tracerouting Lumber Cartel(tinlc) phalanx. Phwap! Fry half a bilker board with this puppy."

The Star Wars Films

"Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed. The ability to destroy a newsgroup is insignificant next to the power of the LART."
"A Bilker Board, You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious."
"I can't abide these spammers. Disgusting creatures."
"Who's the more foolish, the spammer, or the fool who replies to him?"
"Luke, don't give into spam. That leads to the dark side."
"Spammer, the possibility of successfully navigating an EROLS relay is approximately 3,720 to 1!"
Contributed by Jesper
"Use the LART, Luke"
Qui-Gon Jinn: "The ability to spam does not make you intelligent"
Qui-Gon: "These spammer types are cowards. The negotiations will be brief."
Added 1st December 2000
"For more than a thousand generations the geeks were the guardians of peace and justice on the internet. Before the dark times. Before .com"
Added 1st December 2000
"The LART can have a strong influence on a weak mind."

Back to the Future

Contributed by Paul Anderson
"If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour ... you're gonna see some serious spam."

Star Trek

Contributed by 'J' (bunnythief49)
"I've done far worse than killed you, Kirk. I've LARTed you. And I wish to go on LARTing you, as you SPAMmed me. I intend to leave you all alone, trapped in the heart of an unwired world, buried alive."
- Khan Noonien Singh, Star Trek II: The Wrath of SPAM
Contributed by Maoman
"They invade our inboxes, and we fall back. They assimilate entire newsgroups, and we fall back. Not again. The line must be drawn HERE. This far, NO farther. And I will make them pay for what they've done."
-- Captain Jean-Luc Picard, from 'Star Trek: First Contact'
Contributed by Maoman
"The spammers wish to negotiate a cease-fire. It may have something to do with their account having only three minutes of connectivity left."
-- Worf, from 'Star Trek: Insurrection'
Contributed by Maoman
"How many emails does it take, Spammer, before it becomes wrong? Hmm? A thousand, fifty thousand, a million? How many unsolicited emails does it take, Spammer?"
-- Captain Jean-Luc Picard, from 'Star Trek: Insurrection'
Contributed by Dan Poore
"I've never trusted spammers, and I never will."
-- Capt James T. Kirk, Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
Contributed by Joe Cipale
"The LARTs of the many, outweigh the spam of the few... or the one..."

Men in Black

Contributed by Maoman
"BOFH is your name. LARTs your native tongue. You're no longer part of the System. You're above the System. Over it. Beyond it. We're 'them.' We're 'they.' We are the Lumber Cartel (tinLC)."
-- Zed, from 'Men In Black' (tinMiB)

Robocop

Contributed by Dan Poore
"Cobra Assault Mallet: state-of-the-art, splat-splat." - Clarence Boddicker

Ghostbusters

Contributed by Antispam at Blarg!
"Next time, someone asks, if you're a Malleteer, you say -YES!-." - Winston
Contributed by Antispam at Blarg!
"Hey Egon --- your LART." - Venkmen
Contributed by Antispam at Blarg!
Spengler: "Don't cross your posts"
Venkman: "Why not?"
Spengler: "Trust me. It will be bad"
Venkman: "What do you mean "bad?"
Spengler: "Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instanteously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light."
Venkman: "Right, good LART."
Contributed by Dan Poore
"Back off man. I'm a malleteer" - Dr. Peter Venkman
He spammed me!
Are you troubled by strange emails in the middle of the night?
Do you experience feelings of dread at your computer?
Have you or your family ever been spammed?
If the answer is "yes", then don't wait another minute. Open your newsreader and call the professionals...
Spambusters!
Our courteous and efficient netizens are on call 24 hours a day to serve all your spam elimination needs.
We're readly to LART!

Evil Dead Movies

Contributed by Dan Poore
"Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the LART."
Contributed by Dan Poore
Spammer: "Swallow your spam! Swallow your spam!"
Ash: "Oh yeah? Swallow this." *LART!*
Contributed by Dan Poore
Spammer: "You loved me once..."
Sanford: "Yeah, but you've gotten real ugly since then"

Dirty Harry

Contributed by Steve Baker
I know what you're thinking - "Did he fire six LARTs or only five?". Well to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kind of lost track myself, but being as this is a Sam-O-Blam, the most powerful LARTer in the world, and would blow your connectivity clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question - "Do I feel lucky?". Well, do ya, spammer?
Contributed by Shiksaa
"Go ahead spammer, make my day"
Alternatively, Contributed by Sam
"Go ahead, make my spamtrap"
Contributed by Levin
"A spammer's gotta know his limitations."

The Blues Brothers

Contributed by Maoman
"Use of unnecessary violence in the LARTing of the spammer HAS been approved."
-- Police Dispatcher, from 'The Blues Brothers'
Contributed by Dan Poore
"I hate Illinois spammers" - Jake Blues
Contributed by Sam / Morely Dotes
It's 106 milliseconds to Ground Zero,
we've got a full mail queue,
1/2 gigabyte of free disk space.
The link is up,
and we're running a traceroute.
Hit it!
Contributed by Antispam at Blarg!
Elwood: "Shit!"
Jake: "What?"
Elwood: "Spammers."
Jake: "No!?"
Elwood: "Yeah"
Jake: "Shit!"

The Godfather films

Contributed by Maoman
"What have I ever done to make you treat my inbox so disrespectfully? If you'd come to me through opt-in, then this RBL that ruined your connectivity would be suffering this very day. And if by chance an honest man like yourself should make enemies, then they would become my enemies."
-- Don Vito Corleone
Contributed by Maoman
"It's a Lumber Cartel message. It means the spammer sleeps with the fishes."
-- Clemenza
Contributed by Maoman
"Spammer, you're nothing to me now. You're not a brother, you're not a friend. I don't want to know you or what you do. I don't want to see you in my inbox, I don't want you near my newsgroups. When you build a website, I want to know a day in advance, so I won't be there. You understand?"
-- Michael Corleone

Braveheart

Contributed by Maoman
"Lower your mailserver and march straight back to wherever you came from, stopping at every inbox to beg forgiveness for years of theft, relay-rape, and murdering our connectivity. Do this and your account shall live. Do it not, and every one of you will die today."
-- William Wallace, from 'Braveheart'
Contributed by Maoman
"Ay, LART and you may die, hit delete and you'll live. At least a while. And drowning in your spam a few years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell the spammers that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom."
-- William Wallace, from 'Braveheart'
Contributed by Maoman
"I am Lartacus, and I see a whole army of Netizens here in defiance of tyranny. You have come to fight as free Netizens, and free Netizens you are. What will you do with that freedom? Will you LART?"
-- William Wallace, from 'Braveheart'

Die Hard

Contributed by Jesper
"Yipika404, spamvertized"

The Last Boy Scout

Contributed by Jesper
"If I survive this AGIS thing, I'm gonna dance a jig"
Contributed by Jesper
"This is the 90's. These days you can't just LART a spammer in the face, you got to say something cool first"

Jurassic Park

Contributed by Jesper
"This is a Cyberpromo spam. I know this!"
Yeah, but you spammers were so preoccupied with whether or not you could, you didn't stop to think if they should.

Conan the Barbarian

Contributed by Bill
Master: "Conan, what is best in life?" Conan: "To Lart spammers, see their web sites driven off the Internet, and to hear the lamentations of their sock puppets!"

Airplane!

Contributed by Paul Anderson
"Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit LARTing."

Crocodile Dundee

Contributed by Paul Anderson
"That's not a lart. This... is a LART."

Blazing Saddles

Contributed by Paul Anderson
"One day I hear "spam!" I turn around, and it's a six-year old kid. So I just walked away. Little bastard LARTed me in the ass!"

Apocalypse Now

Contributed by Diane Wilson
"I love the smell of LARTs in the morning. It's the smell of victory."
Contributed by Mike S Medintz
"I remember my first day in this newsgroup. We'd spotted a chickenboner over on Erols Hill, and called in a whackamole strike. They came in dropping LARTs...we did not find one chickenboner body."

Five Easy Pieces

Contributed by Diane Wilson
"I want you to hold the LART.... between your knees!!"

Batman

Contributed by Diane Wilson
"Where does he get those wonderful LARTs?"

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Contributed by Diane Wilson
"The next spammer takes me on's gonna light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars!"

They Live

Contributed by Dan Poore
"I have come here to chew bubble gum and LART spammers... and I'm all out of bubble gum."

Outbreak

Contributed by Dan Poore
Spammer: "What have I ever done to make your life miserable, sir?"
Spam victim: "You got up this morning, didn't you?"

Crimson Tide

Contributed by Dan Poore
"This is Afterburner. Set condition 1-SQ for strategic mallet launch. Spin up mallets one through five, and twenty through twenty-four. The release of nuclear LARTS has been authorized. This is not a drill."
Contributed by Dan Poore
"If somebody asked me, if we should have LARTed CyberPromo, a simple yes, by all means, malletize that fucker, twice." - CAPT Frank Ramsey

Stripes

Contributed by Dan Poore
"[I]'m gonna teach every last one of ya, how to: eat, sleep, walk, talk, shoot, shit; like a Lumber Cartel malleteer (tinlcm)!" - Sgt Hulka

The Usual Suspects

Contributed by Camille Klein
"How do you LART the Spammer in the back, Agent Kujan? What if you miss?"

Full Metal Jacket

Contributed by Floyd Turbo
"This is my mallet. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My mallet is my best friend. It is my life. I must master my mallet as I must master my life. Without me, my mallet is useless. Without my mallet, I am useless. I must swing my mallet true. I must LART my enemy, who is trying to spam me. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my mallet and myself are defenders of the internet, we are the masters of the spambags, we are the saviors of my in box. So be it, until there is no spam, but peace. Amen."

The Green Berets

Contributed by Mike S Medintz
"Out here, due process is a LART!"

TV

The Muppets

Contributed by Antispam at Blarg!
"dum de dur de dum de dee, LART! LART! LART!" - The Swedish Malleteer

Twin Peaks

"The spammers are not what they seem"
"LARTs, fly with me"

The Simpsons

"Eat my LARTs!"
"Mmmmmm, fried spam"

Star Trek

"It's spam Jim, but not as we know it"
"Prepare photon LARTs, full spread"
Contributed by Andreas Bergstrom
"May you live long, and spamless"

Babylon 5

Contributed by Laura Tessmer
"What do I want?"
"I want to live just long enough to see them cut off your head and stick it on a pike, as a warning to the next 10 generations that spamming comes at too high a price. Think your friends could arrange that, Mr. Wallace?"
Added 1st December 2000 Contributed by Caveman Spamhunter "Who am I? I'm Susan Ivanova, antispammer, daughter of Andrei and Sofie Ivanov. I am the right hand of vengeance, and the boot that is gonna kick your sorry ass all the way back to the spam can, sweetheart. I'm LART incarnate and the last online thing that you're ever going to see. God sent me."

The X Files

"The Spam is out there"

Monty Python

Well I had to put this one in didn't I?
"SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM"
"SHUT UP!"
"Nobody expects the spammish Inquisition!"
"My hovercraft is full of spam"
"Do you get spam with it?"
"Course you get fucking spam with it, it's a fucking aol account isn't it?"

The Fast Show

"This week, oi 'ave been mostly LARTing casino spam"

M*A*S*H

Contributed by Paul Anderson
"I've eaten a river of liver and an ocean of spam!"

Song

Denis Leary "Asshole" song

Contributed by Antispam at Blarg!
Two words. BIG fucking LARTS, okay?! Russia, Germany, Romania - they can have all the Spammers they want. They can have a big spammer cake-walk right through the middle of Tiananmen square and it won't make a lick of difference because we've got the LARTS, uh KAY?! John Wayne's not dead - he's frozen. And as soon as we find the cure for cancer we're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off (at all these spammers). You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well multiple that by 15-million times, that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Duke and John Cassavetes, and Lee Marvin, and Sam Pekinpah, And a case of LARTS and...

Literature

Shakespeare

"Out, out damn spam" - Macbeth
"To LART or not to LART, that is the question, whether 'tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous spam, or to take arms agains a sea of spew, and by opposing end them." - Hamlet
Contributed by Dan Poore
"Cry 'HAVOC!' and let slip the abuse hound of Erols!"
Rayner Lucas
"Nuked site, nuked site! LARTing is such sweet sorrow"
Leah
"What's here? Spamming I see hast been his tasteless end. Oh, poo! Nuked all and left no friendly dropbox to help me after? Then I'll be brief. Oh, happy mallet, here is thy nads. There pound and let me die!" - Romeo + Juliet
Contributed by Leah
"Oh, spammer, spammer. Wherefore art thou spammer? Deny thy theft, and refuse thy responsibility. Thou art thyself, though, not a moral man. What is moral man? It is not con artist, nor relay raper, nor any other part belonging to a spammer! Oh, be some other name! What's in a name? That which we call a spammer by any other name would still be scum. So spammer would, were he not spammer called, retain that detested imperfection. So spammer, you earned thy name - and for that which makes you what you are, take all my LARTS!" - Romeo + Juliet
Added September 2000 Shakespearean sonnet constributed by mp
"MAKE MONEY FAST!!!!!!" the Subject: header screams
Their invitation tells me I will gain
A chance for cash beyond my wildest dreams,
And all I have to do is join their chain,
Be honest, and abide by all their rules.
Their burning greed just blinds them to the truth.
The fools! They are all lazy little fools!
It's just an electronic Bunco Booth.
The truth is there for those with eyes to see,
For those with but an ounce of common sense.
These schemes are banned by ev'ry ISP
And made illegal by our governments;
And so, because they felt the urge to post,
Their Internet accounts shall now be toast."
Added September 2000 Mike S. Medintz
"Oh, pardon me thou clogged piece of fiber, that I am meek and gentle
with these spammers. Thou art the ruins of the noblest cable that ever
carried packets in the tide of times. Woe to the hand that spewed this
costly spam over whose remains do I read headers (which like dumb
mouths, bounced off a Sendmail 5 box to deny me any useful info)...

A curse shall be relayed across my OC3,
domestic blockages and fierce bouncing messages
shall cumber all the parts of Mindspring;
iBill and Avalanche shall be so in use
and 5xx messages so familiar
that admins shall but smile when they behold
their mailservers smoked with the spam flood
all wires choked with the custom of fell deeds
And Afterburner's spirit, ranging for revenge
with Ate` by his side come hot from RCN Abuse
shall on these newsgroups in a monarch's voice
cry HAVOC! and let slip the Evil Abuse Minions
that this foul deed shall clog all of our inboxen
with MMF's, groaning for burial.
-- Afterburner Caesar, III, i, 254-275

Historic Figures

Added September 2000 Contributed by Morely Dotes
[with apologies to MLK Jr and ELC]
"Those who dream by night, in the dusty recesses of their minds awake in
the day to find that all was vanity, but the dreamers of the day are
dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes and make it
happen.

I have a dream. I dream of a spam-free Internet.

Let's make it happen.
Added September 2000 Contributed by Shadow.Fox
"Ask not what the Internet can do for you, but what you can do for the
Internet. -- JFK
Added September 2000 Contributed by Unit 4
"We have not yet begun to despam."
Added September 2000 Contributed by WD Baseley
The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.
-- T. Jefferson
Added September 2000 Contributed by D. C. Sessions
"The tree of DNS must be refreshed from time to time by the blood
of spammers." -- T. Jefferson
Added September 2000 Contributed by Joe Moore
"Ich ben ein Antispammer!" - JFK
Added September 2000 Contributed by Suresh Ramasubramanian
"Chickenboners of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your
mailboxes" -- Karl Marx
... and your dialups and your websites and your nads ..
Added September 2000 Contributed by ??
"out out breif spam, chickenboners are but petty players who strut
and fret their hour upon the 'net and then are heard no more."
-- Macbeth
Added September 2000 Contributed by Shiksaa
"From UUNET on the East Coast to Above.net on the West Coast and
UXN.COM across the pond, a pink curtain has descended across the
Internet. Behind that line lie all the chickenboners of the states of
Nevada, Louisiana, and Florida...all these infamous spammy centers of
operation and the 'boners around them lie in what I must call the
LARTed sphere, and all are subject in one form or another, not only to
NANAE influence but to a very high and, in many cases, increasing
measure of control from The Lumber Cartel.
-Winston Churchill
Added September 2000 Contributed by ??
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I have signed into law legislation that will end
unsolicitated commercial e-mail forever. We begin bombing in five minutes."
--Ronald Reagan.
Contributed by Ilan Mayer
"Speak softly and carry a big mallet."
Theodore Roosevelt
All Contributed by 'J' (bunnythief49)
"You may LART when ready, Gridley."
Admiral Thomas Dewey
"By the time we're done, the SPAMmish language will only be spoken in Hell!"
William "Bull" Halsey after Pearl Harbour
"We shall LART them with their customers; we shall LART them with their providers; we shall LART them with their upstreams. We shall never surrender."
Sir Winston Churchill
"Americans love a LARTer, and will not tolerate a chicken-boner!"
George C. Scott channeling General George S. Patton
"We have met the enemy, and they are nuked."
Commodore Oliver Hazard Perry after the Battle of Lake Erie
"We'll LART 'em back to the stone age!"
Air Force General Curtis Lemay, about the Vietnamese.
"LART! LART! Toujours LART!"
Some French guy. Originally, "Audace! Audace! Toujours Audace!"
"Am being SPAMmed from all sides. I am, of course, LARTING."
Unknown
"Boldly into the valley of SPAM rode the six hundred Lumber Cartelers (tinlc)."
Alfred, Lord Tennyson
"They couldn't LART an elephant from this dist--"
Famous last words of a Confederate general during the Civil War.
"When in doubt, LART."
Unknown
Contributed by Paul Anderson
"This is a revolution, dammit! We're going to have to LART SOMEbody!"
- John Adams - 1776
Contributed by Mike S Medintz
"You're not here to lose your account for your country. You're here to LART the other bastard!" -George Patton.
Contributed by Mike S Medintz
"Once in a while, every man gets the urge to spit on his hands, bring up Sam Spade, and start sending LARTs" -Cactus Ed Abbey.
Contributed by Dan Poore
"I do not wish to be associated with a slow mallet, for I intend to go into spam's way." - John Paul Jones

Misc

Adventure (the original text adventure game)

Added 1st December 2000 Contributed by Anonymous
"THERE IS A LOUD EXPLOSION, AND A TWENTY-FOOT HOLE APPEARS IN THE FAR WALL, LARTING THE SPAMMERS IN THE RUBBLE. YOU MARCH THROUGH THE HOLE AND FIND YOURSELF IN THE MAIN ROUTER CLOSET, WHERE A CHEERING BAND OF FRIENDLY CISCO-HEADS CARRY THE CONQUERING ANTISPAMMER OFF INTO THE SUNSET.
YOU SCORED 350 OUT OF A POSSIBLE 350, USING 360 LARTS.
ALL OF ANTISPAMDOM GIVES TRIBUTE TO YOU, ANTISPAMMER GRANDMASTER!
TO OBTAIN THE NEXT HIGHER **NET TICKET NUMBER (TINNH*TN) WOULD BE A NEAT TRICK!
CONGRATULATIONS!!"

Wing Commander Games

Contributed by Dan Poore
Col. Christopher Blair: "You're planning on taking that thing to Spamford's house, aren't you?"
Adm Sir Geoffrey Tolwyn: "Well, where would _you_ go if you had the biggest LART in the universe?"
Contributed by Dan Poore
"I will eat your heart out and spit it up, spammer!" -- a spammed Kilrathi"