Some Spam Haiku

Blue can of steel
What promise do you hold?
Salt flesh so ripe
Can of metal, slick
Soft center, so cool, moistening
I yearn for your salt
Twist, pull the sharp lid
Jerks and cuts me deeply but
Spam, aah, my poultice
Silent, former pig
One communal awareness
Myriad pink bricks
Clad in metal, proud
No mere salt-curing for you
You are not bacon
And who dares mock Spam?
You? you? you are not worthy
Of one rich pink fleck
Like some spongy rock
A granite, my piece of Spam
In sunlight on my plate
Little slab of meat
In a wash of clear jelly
Now I heat the pan
Oh tin of pink meat
I ponder what you may be:
Snout or ear or feet?
In the cool morning
I fry up a slab of Spam
A dog barks next door
Pink tender morsel
Glistening with salty gel
What the hell is it?
Ears, snouts and innards
A homogenous mass
Pass another slice
Old man seeks doctor
"I eat Spam daily", he says.
Angioplasty
Highly unnatural
The tortured shape of this "food"
A small pink coffin
Pink beefy temptress
I can no longer remain
Vegetarian
And finally, a slightly longer spam poem, contributed by Ilan Mayer, and written to the tune of "Oh My Darling Clementine":

In a dingy, run-down trailer
in a seedy trailer park
dwelt a loner, chicken-boner
and his name was "sleazy Mark"

Oh you loner, chicken-boner,
oh you sleazy spawn of spams,
do not send me any junk mail,
I don't are for all your scams.

Sleazy Mark set up a web-site,
advertising some new scam,
then took out his bulk e-mailer,
and sent out his spew of spam.

Oh you loner, chicken-boner,
oh you sleazy spawn of spams,
do not send me any junk mail,
I don't care for all your scams.

But his spam has reached a LARTer
who reported him at once,
so they nuked his sleazy web-site,
and they TOSsed all his accounts.

Oh you loner, chicken-boner,
oh you sleazy spawn of spams,
do not send me any junk mail,
I don't care for all your scams.

Sleazy Mark went out of business,
lost his trailer and PC,
and the moral of this story:
"Spamming leads to bankruptcy."

Oh you loner, chicken-boner,
oh you sleazy spawn of spams,
do not send me any junk mail,
I don't care for all your scams.