Having already produced an excellent and incredibly cute one, we decided we didn’t need to generate any more children, so last Thursday I headed out to the West Island to have my vasa deferentia disconnected.
I had shaved the area the night before and purchased an “athletic support” as requested by the doctor so I was prepared.
I was ushered into a small room by possibly the oldest nurse I’ve ever seen who asked me to remove my sweatpants (“leave your underwear on for now”) and lie down on the operating table, where she draped my parts with a surgical cloth and pulled my boxers down to my knees.
A few minutes later the doctor swaggered in. Dr Kurgansky is one of those eccentric doctors, complete with extravagant handlebar moustache, polka-dot bow-tie and a serious god-complex swagger. In his Eastern European accent he asked if I had any questions, then delved into the operation.
After locating my first vas deferens he gave me my first injection, the only time I felt any pain. After that I didn’t feel a thing, and we talked about Apple computers (his patient chart system has been paperless since 1996, and contains 150,000 charts, all stored in a piece of custom software written on Mac OS9 and he’s trying to get it upgraded to OS10). He was gesturing so animatedly with both hands that for a moment I thought he’d forgotten the reason we were there, but then he got back to it and administered the second injection, which I didn’t feel at all.
About 20 minutes after I’d entered the room and about 10 minutes after the doctor had started, he was slapping a band-aid on my scrotum, telling me to get dressed and walking out. I climbed into my jockstrap with a bit of help from the nurse, who told me there were three other men in the waiting room waiting for vasectomies so I should leave with a smile on my face.
Jen had gone shopping to avoid waiting room boredom tantrums from the boy, so I called her and she came and got me, parking 200 yards away in an obvious attempt to see me walking funny. We headed home where I took two Ibuprofen and applied an ice pack to the sensitive area. Things were definitely uncomfortable for the next 24 hours, but I wouldn’t describe it as painful. I could walk around and do light chores, and by the following evening I felt comfortable enough to go out to a birthday party.
I won’t be sterile for a couple of months, but it’s healing well and I’m happy I had it done. When I got home after the operation I was reading my newsfeed and discovered, coincidentally, that Terra Sigillata had not only had the operation on the same day as me, but had live-blogged it. A brave man, who inspired this post, even though 6 days after the event isn’t quite a liveblog.