Lesson updates
With the Cult of the “Christian” Right clamouring for creationism intelligent design to be taught in school biology classes, I figure the rest of the curriculum needs a radical shakeup too:
History
With the bible being a historically accurate record of the history of the universe, this obviously casts doubt on theories such as the stone, bronze and iron ages of man. These should be replaced with detailed analysis of the great flood and that whole parting of the Red Sea event. Also, for some reason, the word of God stopped being written down about 20 centuries ago, so until the bible is officially updated, all modern history will be ignored.
Geography
The bible states quite categorically that the Earth is a “circle”, and of course, circles are flat, so this whole globe theory has to go. Obviously, unknown currents are driving us around the circle making it seem like we’re on a globe. Alternative maps will be provided.
Chemistry
Experiments to investigate transubstantiation will be added to the syllabus, as well as possible theories for how human bodies can suddenly turn into salt.
Physics
The big bang, aerodynamics, and gravity are all “just theories”, so biblical alternatives must be provided. Seven day creation, the marionette theory of flight, and intelligent falling will be offered as alternatives.
Language
The word of God was written in Aramaic, Hebrew or Greek (depends who you talk to, but we’ll just gloss over that), so these will be the only three languages taught in our schools. All lessons will be held in Hebrew.
Art
The bible has no pictures, so art isn’t allowed.
Physical Education
To be added to the syllabus: Wooden cross carrying; walking on water attempts; “active” praying; stoning practice.
Sex Education
Sex is a sin, don’t do it. Filthy children.
About the Chemistry, here are a few more suggestions:
Spontaneous combustion (of Bush’s, I mean bushes)
Rods turning into snakes and water into blood.
Weather:
Following a fire at night, and a mist for 40 years is possible.
Maybe we should start doing that?
About Sex:
You can do it, only men cannot do it with men, and women can’t do it at all.
Once you get that straitened out, sex is beautiful.
Fifteenth Skeptics’ Circle
Welcome to the 15th edition of the Skeptics’ Circle. This week we have an interesting selection of posts, ranging from Intelligent Design to Out-of-Body Experiences, Autism to Veganism, and Darwin to Gender Confusion. There are some really interesting…