Be Lambic or Green

Occasionally I lose socks. This usually happens at laundry time. I think that when nobody is watching, sock gnomes break into the washing machine or tumble dryer and steal socks. I think they use them to make little suits out of to keep themselves warm.

I’ve just covered the first two steps of the scientific method.

1. Determine the problem: Why do socks go missing at laundry time?
2. Make a hypothesis: I think sock gnomes are stealing my socks. (in layman’s terms this could be called a “theory” which is why there is often confusion between hypotheses and theories. More on that later.)

Now if I’m going to prove my hypothesis, I need to experiment. What I’ll do is install a small camera in my washing machine and record what happens when the machine is left unattended. If there are sock gnomes, the camera will catch them (unless they’re invisible sock gnomes; ut oh my experiment needs fine tuning, possibly involving a bag of flour).

Of course a key piece of the scientific method is replication. If I do see sock gnomes in my washing machine, that won’t be enough for most scientists because they are suspicious and skeptical by nature. They will want to reproduce my experiment on their own washing machines and see the sock gnomes for themselves. If everyone sees sock gnomes, then my hypotheses has been validated.

Once we have data from many experiments (not just with cameras, those scientists are smart, they will come up with different ways to detect the sock gnomes, maybe even catch one!), then we can analyze the data and come up with a scientific theory.

There’s that theory word again. This is where people get confused. In layman’s terms, a theory is a hypothesis, something you might say to your mates over a few beers. “I reckon if you tied a piece of bread butter side up to the back of a cat, then dropped the cat, it would float”. That’s a hypothesis, and your average non-scientist might call it a theory.

It is not the same as a scientific theory. Aerodynamics is a scientific theory. We don’t say “I don’t believe in aeroplanes, aerodynamics is just a theory!”. That’s because a scientific theory is the conclusion of a repeatedly tested and validated hypothesis. A scientify theory has a wealth of analyzed data and observation backing it up. A scientific theory is something we can rely on.

So can a scientific theory be wrong? Well sadly yes it can, but the chances are, if the theory has experimental data backing it up, it is at least partially right. It might need tweaking here and there, it might be missing some crucial details, it might need refining, but that data tells us we have a firm foundation.

Evolution is a scientific theory. It is the conclusion of repeatedly tested and validated hypotheses. It has a wealth of experimental data and observations backing it up.

Sadly my sock gnome hypothesis will probably never become a scientific theory. Sock gnomes could exist and could be stealing my socks as we speak, but I doubt I could get funding for a serious research project into the sock gnome hypothesis. There is as much proof for my sock gnomes as there is for Creationism.

I took this picture about 20 minutes ago because the Oscars were really boring me. So WTF is it? I’m convinced this is really easy, but Jen disagrees. We’ll see.

Why is it so hard for companies to make websites that work?

Two examples:

Jen and I have Air Miles cards. I wanted to go online to see how many air miles we’ve managed to collect (my guess is about 7, but you never know, it could be more). So I went to the Air Miles website. It asked me for a PIN (oh yeah, and asking for a PIN number is redundant). I didn’t have a PIN. There was a handy link to get a PIN, so I went there, filled in all my details, and it gave me a PIN. Perfect. I tried to sign in with my PIN and it took me straight to the get a new PIN page. Out of desperation I filled in all my details again and it gave me a new PIN. I tried to sign in again and exactly the same thing happened. Time to send in a complaint. I headed straight for the Contact Us link, and discovered there was no email address, just a comment form. I entered my details and a long and politely insistent complaint, then pressed the submit button. We’re sorry, an error has occurred and your email could not be sent.

Over at Videotron, I wanted to change our channels to get rid of a few we never watch. Now first of all I have to say that Videotron’s website has some neat stuff on it which has been very useful in the past. This time it was too frustrating though. After hunting through various menus I finally found the list of the channels we currently subscribe to. After more searching I found an option to change our subscribed channels. After going through several pages of options, unclicking the channels we no longer want, I finally got to the last submit button and gleefully hit it. We’re sorry your request could not be completed, please contact a customer service representative.

If you’re going to put fancy features on your website, make sure they work. If there’s a chance that your email form might break, publish an email address so people can use their fully functional email clients. If it’s not possible for me to do something online, tell me before I jump through hoops trying. If you have a content-rich website, make it easy to navigate! Why are these things so hard to understand?

I had to have a blood test yesterday, which doesn’t bother me at all. What terrified me more was the prospect of making small talk with the nurse while she bled me dry. The conversation took a bizarre twist so I thought I would share it:

Nurse: So where are you from?
Me: Originally? England.
Nurse: Oh I thought so, you sound like Johnny Depp in Neverland.
Me: Uh, ok.
Nurse: Have you seen it? It’s really good.
Me: No, I like his movies though.
Nurse: Oh yeah, did you see Edward Scissorhands, that one was weird.
Me: Yeah, I like weird.
Nurse: Really? What about that one with Michael Keaton, uhh, Beetlejuice? That one was too weird!
Me: Oh I liked it a lot.
Nurse: Oh no it was too weird for me. Oh and Star Wars…

This is where I wanted to leave, but she still had a needle in my arm, an obvious and cunning ploy to have a captive audience.

Nurse: When I was a teenager I went to see Star Wars with my boyfriend, and he couldn’t understand why I didn’t like it. I just kept waiting for the normal people to show up. Like you know that bit in the bar with all those weird people? I just wanted to give them all makeovers!

If I wasn’t feeling slightly faint from lack of blood I may have punched her at that point. Instead I gritted my teeth, chuckled politely and restrained myself from yelling Cantina! It was a Cantina! And they were ALIENS!! in her face.

Here is the full picture that last week’s WTF photo quiz was based on. It was indeed a jar of Hershey’s kisses.

I’m still amazed that people managed to find warthogs and gorillas in that chocolatey goodness.

Sadly there is no WTF photo quiz this week because I couldn’t find a suitable photo. I’ll try to get busy with the camera over the next few days to give you something next week.

I am Jen’s tech support. If she needs to modify the layout or formulas in a spread sheet, she comes to me. If something bad happens to her computer (and it’s running Windows 98, so bad things happen quite a lot), she comes to me. If she needs to do something out of the ordinary on her blog, she comes to me. If the batteries die in her mouse, she comes to me.

When I say she comes to me that’s not strictly true. What she actually does is sits at her computer in her office and cries plaintively Help! Help! in a Penelope Pitstop-esque kind of way. It’s quite cute really.

I’m slowly gaining confidence in my woodworking endeavours. So far I’ve avoided serious injury (apart from stabbing myself with a pencil), and I haven’t screwed anything up really badly (except cutting two pieces of wood an inch too short). I’ve made a good-looking mallet and a fully functional sharpening stone box.

I’m now working on the step stool, which involves dovetail joints. I have horrible memories of trying to do dovetail joints in school and failing miserably, but so far these ones are progressing quite smoothly. Of course I haven’t actually tried to fit anything together yet, so the big test is still to come.

I’ve discovered that using a backsaw is surprising easy, but sawing in a straight line is the tricky part. I’ve discovered that working with sharp tools is a joy, but they get blunt really quickly. I’ve discovered that marking which bits of wood are the bits you’re throwing away is really important. I’ve discovered that Jen likes how I smell after I’ve been working with wood.

The second Skeptics’ Circle is now online. Orac has done a fabulous job of collating all the articles and presenting them in a fun way. Reading it I felt like I was there enjoying that fine ale and those fascinating speeches.

The Kyoto Protocol came into effect today. If you’re in Canada, go take the One Tonne Challenge and see what you can do to be a greener consumer.

Ferrari are well known for not taking risks where the F1 championship is concerned, but this time they’re going too far. The prancing horse is kicking Minardi when it’s down.

Minardi, a severely cash-strapped team, are struggling to meet the new requirements for the 2005 season and have requested that they be allowed to race using last year’s car for the first few races. For this to be allowed, all the other teams have to agree. Everyone agreed. Except Ferrari.

What risk do Minardi possibly pose to Ferrari’s championship challenge? They are so far off Ferrari’s pace that even if they were allowed to install turbo engines they still wouldn’t catch those scarlet cars. The only reason I can think of for this spitefulness is that racing is easier with less cars on the track. But really, aren’t things easy enough for Ferrari already?

Thankfully Paul Stoddart is standing up for his team and threatening to take the fight to the courts if necessary. I’m confident we will see Minardi at the first race, whether Ferrari like it or not.

A special WTF? photo quiz for today. Can you tell what it is? I think it’s easy, but I’ve been wrong before.

Hugs and kisses to my Valentine.

Almost two weeks ago, the first ever Skeptics’ Circle happened over at St Nate’s blog. I was inspired by this to write something for the upcoming second Skeptics’ Circle.

I was having trouble coming up with a topic, until I overheard a strange conversation on the train home from work the other night. A girl was telling her friend how she wanted to get colour contact lenses. Her friend then went on to explain how if you wear them for too long, you will be blind or see everything really brightly for a while after you take them off, and how someone who had to wear them to play a part in a movie went completely blind. This had a definite urban legend ring to it, so I decided to investigate further.

The first thing I found was this Usenet article about an editorial published in Eye and Contact Lens. Although the article talks about coloured lenses, the main problem seems to be that these are over the counter purchases, with no prescription. The problem is that the lenses may not fit right, and cause rubbing. This results in infection and potential blindness.

Eyecare professionals will take careful measurements before prescribing contact lenses, to ensure that these problems do not occur. Buying over the counter contact lenses, coloured or not, is dangerous and can lead to blindness. Getting prescription contact lenses, coloured or not, seems to be fine.

I did discover that the colouring of lenses is an applique, which gives the lens a microscopically less smooth surface than regular lenses, which could potentially cause irritation. Not for the reasons suggested by the girl on the train though.

Also on this page we find the possibility that the coloured part of the lens can potentially enter your field of vision, if the lens moves or the pupil is very dilated. Still nothing about brightness or blindness though.

As for the movie star going blind, I could find no references. Apparently coloured contacts have been used in movies since Audrey Hepburn used them to play a blind women in Wait Until Dark in 1967.

We finished the mallet project in my woodworking class last night. The “homework” last week was to sand it to 200 grit, then the final step last night was to give it a couple of coats of linseed oil. I think it looks pretty damn good for something made by a complete novice.

We’re now working on a box for the sharpening stone, which is surprisingly quick and easy. Next week we’re starting on the major project, a Shaker style step stool. It’s off to Reno Depot at the weekend to buy my wood.

Shawn prompted this post. I listed what I missed about England, now it’s time to list what I don’t miss:

• Grey skies 300+ days per year.
• The almost complete lack of seasons.
• 56 million people crammed into a land mass several times smaller than Quebec.
• Traffic that happens when 56 million people all decide to go on a day trip.
• Astronomical cost of living.
• Racism and xenophobia (but we get that from our neighbours to the South instead).
• Welsh people (kidding! just kidding!).
• The whole football obsession thing.
• And cricket.
• Boy bands.
• Girl bands.
• Cliff Richard.
• Tony Blair.
• Birmingham.

I don’t think I mentioned that we won the pub quiz on Monday night.

So.

We won the pub quiz on Monday night!! Go us.

Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Please came in second; they’ve still never beaten us, which makes Kim very happy because one of her work colleagues is on that team.

The new Name That Tune round is great, and made even more fun by Steve’s slightly inept handling of the CD player.

We spent a lot of time agonizing and saying things like “It’s that song from Pulp Fiction, but what’s it called??”, only to find out it was in fact the theme from Pulp Fiction.

Of course, our quizmaster is never infallible, and as I argued vociferously with Jen over this one, I felt I needed to do a bit of research. The question was “Which vegetable has the lowest calories?”. I was sure it was celery, but I got outvoted and we answered cucumber. The answer given was in fact cucumber. However, according to this chart a stalk of celery has 5 calories, and an 8″ cucumber has 15 calories. Now, the question is how big is that stalk of celery? and how thick is that 8″ cucumber? This table says 8 for celery and 10 for cucumber, but doesn’t give quantities, but I feel suitably vindicated. I also feel like a loser for needing to research that.

Oh, and for some reason talking about 8″ cucumbers makes me feel dirty.

People often ask me if I miss England. To be honest, I don’t very much. Obviously I miss my family, but the country itself? I can take it or leave it. There are a few things I sometimes pine for though:

• A decent pint of real ale in a decent pub
• My MG
• Sainsbury’s ready meals
• White bread that doesn’t taste sweet
• Pork joints that still have the skin on
• Dry cured bacon
• Cadbury’s Whole Nut
• McVitie’s chocolate digestives
• Fish and Chips
• The BBC
• Channel 4
• Realistic speed limits
• Marks and Spencer
• Tizer and Irn Bru
• Give Way signs
• Virgin Radio

It’s time for the weekly photo quiz. This is Jen looking terrified. Where is she?

In case you didn’t catch it, the answer to last weeks quiz was New Orleans, where I visited for a conference a couple of years ago. Congratulations to John for spotting it so quickly.

In other quiz related news, tonight is the McKibbin’s bi-weekly pub quiz. Starts at 8-ish, $2 per entrant, maximum of four people per team. You could win a prize!

I upgraded to the latest version of WordPress today. It’s a big change structurally, which is why I’m using the default theme for now. I liked the fact that my blog didn’t look like every other WP blog, but until I get the time to create my own theme this will have to do. I have to admit it does look nice.

We grew up in a minefield of potential injury and death. We rode bikes without helmets. We skated without knee pads. Our rooms were painted with lead paint. Nothing in our houses was child-proofed. We rode in the back seat of cars with no seatbelts. We drank water from streams. We ate mud and worms. We went places on our own. We played out after dark. We walked to school. We did not have cellphones. We climbed trees and sometimes fell out of them. We played with matches. When we got hurt it was our fault, there was nobody to sue.

We drank sugar filled drinks and ate copious amounts of candy, but we didnt get fat because we were out playing. All the time. We played bulldog and runouts. We made up games and new things to do. Most of them dangerous in some way. We had fights. We shared the same glass and did not die.

We had challenges at school; it felt good to move up to a top class, it felt bad to be put down to a lower class; we learned to deal with it. Some of us sucked at sport. We learned to deal with that too. We had toys that required some imagination. Lego did not have a predefined end-result. We read books. Some things on TV were educational. We had opinions and individuality.

If we did something wrong, our parents punished us. We respected that. If we broke the law we were terrified. We did not have ADD, we were just hyperactive kids. There was nobody and nothing to blame for our mistakes except ourselves.

Will our children grow up to be as innovative and creative as our generation was? Will they be independant, critical thinkers? Will they know how to fix stuff when it breaks? Will they know how to take risks and solve problems? Will they feel responsible for their actions? Will they stand up and fight when it’s necessary?

Despite a poor turnout, last night’s quiz was still fun. We started off with a massive seven contestants, so we drew lots to form three teams. I ended up joining Karen and Shana to be the only team of three, until Shawn showed up to boost one of the other teams. Our fabulous waitress, Dusty, also tried to join in, but it’s tough to play a quiz when you have to keep serving drinks.

It was a close game, but my team triumphed, go us! Karen keeps insisting on calling me Dave, but apart from that everything was good.

It’s a shame the number of players has declined dramatically over the past few months. We need new blood! The next Hurley’s quiz is on March 8th, hosted by Shawn. Come along, bring your friends, help us keep this fun monthly event going.